Last week I was at a team building event. One of the team leaders began to discuss the DISC Personality Test. She had completed a questionnaire and it determined that she was a D (dominant) personality. We were laughing as she described the attributes of a D personality and sarcastically joked, “Who you? No, not you!” Other ladies around the table began asking what their personalities would be characterized as. I did not.
I realized that day that if you have met me in the past three months, you do not know me.
It is no secret that this past year has been a challenging one. For me personally, my career, but most of all; my family. I swear sometimes it seems as though I am on some telenovela.
When things happen to me individually, I am pretty good at just plowing through. I plaster a smile on my face and say, “How can I help you?” That’s my coping mechanism and it helps me forget whatever it is that I am going through at that moment. For example, most people aren’t aware that I spent most of 2016 very ill. I hid it quite well. I had lost 20 pounds in less than three months and when people would ask what I was doing, I would tell them “diet and exercise.” Which was true because I could not keep any food in my system and I was still teaching all of my classes. I was wearing full makeup to teach my fitness classes so people could not see how pale I had become. I had zero energy but knew people were counting on me to get my ass in gear, so I went.
This year, challenges began to hit me again. I again kept my mouth shut about what was going on. I smacked that smile on my face and was ready to go. How am I supposed to encourage others if I look discouraged.
Until I got the call about my father. Then I received a call about my sister. Between spending all that time in between hospitals, I became someone who I do not know… Someone that I do not like. This person is timid and ultra sensitive. She does not speak up, nor does she have fun. She lacks confidence. She is not silly and she does not talk to strangers.
This is not me. I hate this bitch.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa… Syl. What is this language? I’m sorry, tribe. I’m so frustrated. I’m ready for the real Syl to stand up and reclaim my body. I do not want to coil into some scared little fetus position and give up. I refuse to do so.
I’ve lost a lot this year. When you face hardships, people no longer want to speak to you. That has been the most challenging part for me. However, I am still me. I still have that pit in my gut that knows how to motivate people and encourage others to get up and grab onto their goals. Although I am not getting up in a room full of people daily and smiling, cheering, clapping and jumping up and down telling others they can achieve, I know that I am still the same person because:
- I thrive on helping people succeed.
- I love seeing people happy.
- I enjoy talking to strangers.
- I want to know “who” people are, not just take from them
- I will bust out in a dance solo in the middle of Target if I hear a good song.
- I can do the above without “silly juice.”
That is the real me.
So again, if you have met me recently. Watch out. The real Syl will be back. I’m sending that depressing, oppressed, timid gal back to where she came from. We are going back to normal. Because with a determined woman… The possibilities are endless!
Always remember, It’s You vs. You!